Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
