It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
