I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
