you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
