Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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