I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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