He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
