You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
