it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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