Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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