Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
