just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
