Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
