so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she looked like the before picture.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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