that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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