He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
