I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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