Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
