she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
