quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
