shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
