Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
