its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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