I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
