Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize