i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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