There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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