So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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