Kiss
Puke
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
