i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
