Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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