Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
