just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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