It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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