that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
