i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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