apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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