Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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