What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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