census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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