Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
