Pants 0. Shit 1.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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