..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
