i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
