He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
