you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
