I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
