Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
