At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will pee on everything he values.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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