dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
