Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
