You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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