He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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