whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
