the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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