My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
