Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
where are my eyebrows?
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