I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
