I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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