I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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